Just plain angry

If I start to cry, I won't stop. If I scream out loud at the top of my lungs, I'll scare the babies and it won't help. Everything is topsy-turvy, upside down and just plain WRONG! What had been a relatively quiet weekend and a fun day with Ryan for his birthday (since we won't be home) has simply gone bad.

A little while ago, a very close friend of mine called to tell me that her 19 year old son (maybe he's 20... he's also a friend of my 19 year old) had died in his sleep last night. What the HELL is wrong with this world that a sweet kid, who always had a smile on his face and LONG arms ready to hug me is just gone?????????? This amazing kid who was at my house watching football a few weeks ago and consoling me when the Eagles lost by saying "there's always next year." What the HELL is wrong with this world when there is now no next year for Blake????????

I watch every day as criminals get lighter sentences because they take a guilty plea -- I negotiate those freakin' pleas. I watch every day as family law clients fight over minutiae so that they can feel as if they "won" in a divorce settlement -- I help them do it. I see people cheat the legal system, commit welfare fraud, cheat their clients and waste money on things they can't afford.

Then there are the good kids. The ones whose parents are middle-class and struglling in a terrible economy. Who are paying large portions of their education, even at a state-related university like Temple, it's expensive. Who work as lifeguards all summer long and always have a smile for annoying 7 year olds like Ryan. The ridiculously tall young adults who manage their diabetes without making a fuss about it. The kids who have never been handed Life on a silver platter but don't bitch about it.

Those, apparently, are the people that God wants with him sooner than they should ever be taken from us.

I'll miss you, Blake.... so much.