Just plain angry

If I start to cry, I won't stop. If I scream out loud at the top of my lungs, I'll scare the babies and it won't help. Everything is topsy-turvy, upside down and just plain WRONG! What had been a relatively quiet weekend and a fun day with Ryan for his birthday (since we won't be home) has simply gone bad.

A little while ago, a very close friend of mine called to tell me that her 19 year old son (maybe he's 20... he's also a friend of my 19 year old) had died in his sleep last night. What the HELL is wrong with this world that a sweet kid, who always had a smile on his face and LONG arms ready to hug me is just gone?????????? This amazing kid who was at my house watching football a few weeks ago and consoling me when the Eagles lost by saying "there's always next year." What the HELL is wrong with this world when there is now no next year for Blake????????

I watch every day as criminals get lighter sentences because they take a guilty plea -- I negotiate those freakin' pleas. I watch every day as family law clients fight over minutiae so that they can feel as if they "won" in a divorce settlement -- I help them do it. I see people cheat the legal system, commit welfare fraud, cheat their clients and waste money on things they can't afford.

Then there are the good kids. The ones whose parents are middle-class and struglling in a terrible economy. Who are paying large portions of their education, even at a state-related university like Temple, it's expensive. Who work as lifeguards all summer long and always have a smile for annoying 7 year olds like Ryan. The ridiculously tall young adults who manage their diabetes without making a fuss about it. The kids who have never been handed Life on a silver platter but don't bitch about it.

Those, apparently, are the people that God wants with him sooner than they should ever be taken from us.

I'll miss you, Blake.... so much.

The saga ends

This will be a short post since I am very tired and very sad right now. Same thing... year after year after year. I was so desperately hoping that there would be a Lombardi Trophy in Philly before I turn 45. That can't happen now, of course.

On a cold January night, the impossible season ended for my Beloved Eagles in the desert of Arizona. They were outplayed, outcoached and the Cardinals wanted it more -- can't imagine HOW but certainly understand how Cardinal fans would be insulted by the lack of respect they received from the national media this week. The game was in Donovan McNabb's grasp -- I guess I shouldn't be surprised by the outcome, but I am as equally devastated by the loss as I was in seasons where the Eagles were 13 and 3 in the regular season.

That being said, we had a wonderful and LARGE party here today -- lots of people, a grotesque amount of food and alcohol, lots of yelling and as good a time as was possible with the end of a season that had become a metaphor for the first half of my life in some ways. Then again, 1980 ended with a loss too so I guess I've come out pretty much even.

Arizona 32
Eagles 25

Bring on the 2009 season!

Ain't no stoppin us now!!!!!!!!

And on another cold January afternoon, with snow and ice leftover from yesterday's non-serious snowstorm event, the dream goes on and on and on...

Originally, we were even going to have a friend who is a Giants fan here but he was sick so his wife came without him. What was originally a party of ten became 17 -- including my sister, her husband, their 2 kids and their daughter's friend. Our friends' son is friends with our son -- so he and a friend came over too. Next week... same time, same station and (God willing) same outcome. My Beloved Birds are again playing for the NFC Championship!!!!!!!!

The Giants... the defending Super Bowl Champs, the #1 seeded NFC team.... yeah, they're home for the winter and my Beloved Birds are heading to where it's warm to play another NFC East team (ok... I'm almost 45, the Cardinals used to BE an NFC East team) for a chance for the ultimate and yet unrealized prize. All I want for my birthday (four days after the Super Bowl) is to see that Lombardi Trophy moving down Broad Street (and I also want knitpicks needles set and matching Super Bowl Championship paraphernalia like blankets and shirts and banners).

Thank GOD next Monday is a holiday!!!!! I am hoarse from screaming, exhausted from stress and don't want to have to worry about going to work on Jan. 19th (Thank you, Dr. King). The same friends and family will be here -- after we provide the food and the alcohol, they all know where everything is in my house -- the FREAKIN' NFC Championship game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fifth time in eight years. First time EVER an NFC 6th seed team has gotten to that game.

Eagles 23 Giants 11 -- any questions how good MY mood is tonight???????????????

LET'S GO EAGLES!!!!! BRING ON THE CARDINALS!!!!!!

Don't Stop Believin'

Hmmmmm... old Journey songs from 1981. New Year, same theme. I may 28 years older, but ... the picture above was done in 2004; mere weeks before the Eagles won the NFC. Few but me believed that after losing three straight NFC championship games, the Eagles would EVER make the Super Bowl. I did. I still do.

My Eagles didn't disappoint me. Even I, in my "Always Bleeding Green" mindset, got a little bit nervous during the Vikings game. Worse yet, I had woken up with a full-blown migraine at 3 a.m. on Sunday morning and had to lay in a dark room right up until game time. The "throw a long pass" call on a third down and one brought most of the migraine back too!!!! But my Beloved Birds prevailed (and it WAS only a moment or two when my belief wavered). Bring on those New York football Giants; the World Champions; the Almighty Eli; the blah, blah, blah. Wait a sec... or bring on the team that lost to the Eagles a few weeks ago; the team that has lost its most powerful offensive weapon; the team that we play twice a year and have a pretty good win/loss record with over the past five years (we can ignore last year entirely please). I am ALL about another Miracle at the Meadowlands -- Brian Westbrook... get those running shoes ready!!

Other than the Eagles, the New Year has been dreary (it really DOES feel like 1981!). Work is busy as all get out, but the economy is taking its toll; clients are trying to pay what they can, but everyone is hurting -- I'm fair about it to a point unless the clients decide not to pay balances at all. I am positively swamped for the next several weeks with briefs and pre-trial statements due, on standby trial in an interesting criminal case, a complex property distribution case at the end of the month and with appellate files that are so big I can barely lift them.

Weather has been gross for weeks -- rain, sleet, ice, cold then warm. BLECH!!!!!! We woke up today to no power and a FREEZING cold house at 5 a.m. (power had been of since about 2). Hubby had a 2 hour delay, but #4 did not so I got a late start getting the baby to her sitter's house and then getting home. Got some work done, but not a whole lot -- certainly not what I needed to get done today (which has been the story of this past week -- everytime I sit down to work on something, something else interrupts me!).

I've gone from having 2 of the 5 kids at home full time to having 4 of the 5 at home..... things are flat out CRAZY....

But I still believe !!!!!!

YA GOTTA BELIEVE, PART II

And on a warm December night... when no one but a true Eagles fan thought it was possible. So much had to happen: the Bucs had to lose to Oakland; AND either the Vikings or Da Bears had to lose. We decided to throw one of our Eagles parties. After all, it WAS the Cowboys coming to town. After all, unless three miracles happened, my beloved Birds couldn't make the playoffs. But as I have been saying for so many months.... IT IS 1980 all over again and the Cowboys were in the way of Destiny!!!!!!!

We watched the Raiders beat the Bucs -- and let's face it, since 1981, no Eagles fan is ever going to be screaming "Go Raiders!!"... until today. During the early game, we kept seeing the Houston score -- omiGOD!!! they were beating the Bears. And then the Cowboys and the Eagles roared into the Linc. Only one team roared back out. For many years, I have watched the hated Cowboys and their arrogant players make their claim of being "America's Team." For oh-so-many years, I have watched the EAGLES be the NFC's best team or one of the best teams while the 'Boys fail to win a playoff game for a decade. I hear national commentators poo-poo our city and our fans and our spirit. Every year, for my whole life, Cowboys this and Cowboys that.

As we watched and screamed and jumped up and down and drank WAY too much and ate and made complete idiots of ourselves (and we feel a little badly since some of our guests weren't football fans; they WERE warned in advance)... once again as in October with the Phillies winning the World Series, I was that 16 year old girl again. The girl with good knees (I think my knees may be in pretty serious pain right now -- there was that one fumble run back for a touchdown where I jumped up and down and knew subconciously that I shouldn't BE jumping up and down; LOTS of drinking). The happy girl who had her whole Life stretched out before her on a silver platter. The girl whose Daddy would have LOVED today's game so much.

As my sister and I were texting back and forth: "It was always going to be the Cowboys."

Final score: Eagles 44 Cowboys 6

BRING ON THE VIKINGS -- IT'S 1980!!!!!!!

GO EAGLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas

So we had a fun day (and Christmas Eve too although there was a LOT of alcohol involved which made this morning a little rough!). All the kids were here as was my mom. Everyine got spoiled rotten -- I do 99.9% of the shopping; I'm not sure whether my yarn addiction or shopping-for-my-kids addiction is worse.

As to LJB's comment below: Sorry Sissy, just didn't have enough room on the last post LOL

Pictures above are of my sister, pretend brother and I on Thanksgiving and of the kids and my mom today.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a GOOD NIGHT

Christmas craziness

I looked today and saw that I haven't posted ANYTHING for a month (again!). I got the never-ending sinus infection and bronchitis that lasted for a month (probably because I was too stubborn to go back to the doctor when I didn't get better). I had root canal. I had difficult clients being more difficult than usual (and a few really nice clients who made it all worthwhile). Older kids coming home from school, holiday parties, swim season and feeling stressed 24/7. Even my shopping trip last week with my daughter became stressful -- not through anyone's fault, but traffic and lack of proper planning and weather that just feels dreary for the past few weeks has had me in a non-stop bad mood.

I actually did the bulk of my shopping in one day BEFORE Thanksgiving. Back before Kid #3 came along, I was a done-and-wrapped-before-Thanksgiving kinda girl. Now, not so much since 5 kids, a law firm and political abd social obligations keeps me a bit busy. I even thought, two days before Thanksgiving, that I was DONE except for stocking stuffers. Of course, that didn't work out and I still have ONE more gift to buy before Christmas. That's one of today's projects along with the continuation of the cookie baking orgy (made about 500-600 yesterday).

Knitting has been surprisingly productive. I am done socks for my babysitter and mother, mostly done a pair for my daughter, mittens for my two youngest kids and my niece, hats for my two youngest kids. I have decided that, once I do a couple of baby sets for new mothers or about-to-be new mothers, 2009 is going to be my year of knitting for me and me only. I think it's time I get a little selfish; not to say hubby won't get socks during the year because he really likes handknit socks, but I am really going to try taking true time for myself -- I finally got a cricut machine for scrapbooking and haven't even taken it out of its box because I make zero time for me.

Finally, I am having a rough time emotionally and have been for several weeks as I approach the 5 year anniversary of my dad's death -- Christmas Eve 2003. Since that kick in the face, Christmas has become more of a chore for me than a source of any pleasure. I am also having a HUGE emotional trauma over the birthday coming up in February. I guess because my 40th was so overwhelmed with my dad's death six weeks earlier, I never LET myself have an age crisis. Son now, as I move inexorably toward 45, I am really feeling it!!!! It's silly, I know it's silly and I'll get over it but SHEESH!!!!!

Merry Christmas to all and a Blessed New Year!!!